Monday, July 21, 2003

The horror, the horror. Potus and Flotus (or as they prefer to be called, the President and First Lady of the United States) recently went on safari in Africa, where they were shocked to discover that the elephant, sacred symbol of the Republican Party, really has no shame. "This is a White House that plans every trip down to the last detail and plots out every camera angle to make sure that Mr. Bush is always shown in the most presidential and flattering pose possible. So the horror of the White House advance team can only be imagined when Mr. Bush, Laura Bush and one of their twin daughters, Barbara, cameras trained on them as always, pulled up on a dusty drive in the game park in Botswana and encountered a male elephant determinedly but ultimately unsuccessfully trying to mate with a female." Samson Mulugeta of Newsday, who is among the small pool of court reporters allowed to accompany the president, took notes: "As the pool convulsed into giggles, Potus turned back and smiled sheepishly. Barbara threw her head back in embarrassment and covered her face with her hands. Then Potus threw his cap over his face to shield himself from the impending coitus (which never materialized). Flotus's expression was not visible from our angle." No doubt she was horrified. As Potus gave the elephants a relaxing massage, Flotus called out, "O.K. darling, that's enough." (drawn from In and Out of Africa, Bush Is His Usual Brisk Self, by Richard W. Stevenson, New York Times, Sunday, July 13, 2003)

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